Life is stupid

At the moment i'm just in this really dark place and don't feel like talking or doing much of anything really. I want to put my photos back up but some sort of mental block is stopping me. I'm really worried about him but he i don't think he is talking to me. He won't even call to let me know he is okay! I hate this life; it's too complicated from an FtM point of view and every other point of view there is in me... Dunno if that made sense. I need to go to the doctors soon because the meds, which i am taking to stop the "days of reckoning" if you know what i mean. have completely fucked up my system and i'm kind of scared...