Why life is just not fair

Believe me when i say A LOT has happened since my last entry... let's see. So, on Saturday night i met this guy. He was funny and cute and just awesome. He knew i was female but didn't know about the whole transgender issue until later that night when i had to explain why i was reluctant to do... certain things. Well, we hung out until Sunday night and we did IT. You know what i mean. I don't know why i can't say it. Possibly something like denial because in the end he turned out to be a complete an utter idiot. He's a cheat and much more. Gargh!!! I can't believe i was stupid enough to fall for him and i STILL FUCKING LOVE HIM! I say love and mean it because i really fell for him, even in that short space of time where we never left each others arms. Probably too much info there. But i thought he was The One. He helped me realised that my feelings over the other him (god, this is gonna get confusing!) were genuine but they're nothing compared to what i feel for this him! (did that make sense?) I don't know. My head hurts and i want to sleep. I haven't really slept, eaten or done much of anything but think of him. I have it bad. And i don't know what to do. I know what i have to do and that's keep away from him. But if he came knocking on my door tonight I'd probably let him in. I saw him today on the staircase. Three times and each time he ignored me. I muttered an angry "Jesus Christ" through gritted teeth and sped up my pace but inside i wanted to go up to him and say i forgive him and all's good. I shouldn't even think of forgiving me since he acted like an ass to me. He tod everyone my secret, lied, and just... Urgh!!